Recently I lied to a sister in Christ. When I approached her, I apologized and asked her forgiveness. She simply responded, “I forgive you.” There was more of a conversation, but the important part here is what she didn’t say. She did not say “It’s okay, I forgive you.”
So many times I say those exact words, opening the door for people to continue treating me the same way or doing the same things they’re asking forgiveness for. When the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11) was brought before Jesus, his words were Go and sin no more.
When we tell people it’s okay instead of I forgive you and leave it at that, we open the door for their future treatment of us to remain the same. It is not okay for people to hurt, lie, steal or injure us in any way. However, we are told to forgive them. God never asks us to allow the same behavior or brush it off as an emotional outburst. No. We are to forgive, but never say it’s okay. Never allow people to keep treating you poorly.
When my sister in Christ said I forgive you, I accepted that just as the woman before Jesus when he said Go and sin no more. My sister forgave me, but because of her true spoken words, I will not be lying to her in the future. See, it was her simple statement that will keep me accountable. Forgiveness is not so easily given time and time again, because we are human. So because I received it this first time, I will not abuse it. I will not think it is okay to lie to her in the future because she will, of course forgive me again. That is not healthy and not acceptable. So the next time someone forgives you, listen closely and if they say it’s okay, remind yourself it is not. Keep yourself accountable and live in love.
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