We think of relationships in terms of people around us – friends, family, co-workers, spouses. Yet what about God? He is a person and we relate to Him through our own filter of relationship styles as well. But do you recognize the filter through which you view God?
We are going to look at some characteristics of how you might relate to God based on your childhood experiences with relationships, but keep in mind that God is not finished with you yet. Finding that your relationship with God is not all that you want it to be is painful, but God is not finished with you yet. He will draw you into a healthier more fulfilling connection with Him each step of the way.
(Refer back to my post on relationship patterns for a refresher on the following terms.)
Ambivalent/ Anxious style might feel God’s rejection. There is not an assurance of God’s acceptance and grace. Though they believe God loves them and know the Scripture that He will never abandon them, they still find themselves reacting out of fear of His displeasure and their unworthiness.
The Avoidant style might be more self-reliant, having an intellectual understanding of God, but when it comes to drawing close to God in intimacy, or quietness there is distance. Because this person is more comfortable ‘doing’ things to meet their need for connection.
The disorganized attachment style of those who might fall into the teaching of false profits and blame God when He doesn’t answer their prayers or provide for them.
Ideally what we are seeking is a secure attachment to God. It doesn’t come instantly but with time. Part of the journey is leaning on the Holy Spirit to heal the brokenness of our hearts and taking hold of Scripture and teaching our mind truth Click To Tweet. If you find yourself feeling rejected by God find the Scripture that speaks to that feeling and every time you are feeling rejected speak that Scripture to yourself – plant that Word of God in your heart and cultivate it so that it can grow strong within you.
In a secure attachment, you will proximity seek in times of stress or trouble. Proximity seeking means that you will run towards that which you know is safe. In the book God Attachment it says “Our ability to seek proximity to God, to turn to him as a safe haven, experience him as a secure base so we are free to explore and grieve over perceived loss or brokenness in our relationship with God can be the difference between cognitively believing in God, as many of us do, and emotionally connecting, trusting, and walking with him every day.”
I think of King David as the perfect image of one who sought God under stress (proximity seeking).
In so many verses he just pours out his heart to God and tells Him of his trust.
- Psalm 62:5,6 My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation.
- Psalm 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.
- Psalm 42:5 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me? Hope thou in God for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.
God wants us to run to Him when we feel empty, stressed and overwhelmed. Click To Tweet It is good to run to Christian friends, and the Bible but remember that God is a person and He relates to us as people. Seek Him as a safe person because there is great comfort in the presence of God.
One thing that God has recently been showing me is that I may run to Him when I am under stress or when something is bothering me. I will seek out the quiet place just to sit with Him but then I hold my feelings inside. In these times, He wants to be the Good Father listening to the heart of His child. It doesn’t mean that He is going to take the pain away but He wants me to cast the burden of my feelings on Him (1 Peter 5:7). This is the safest place to tell all that I’m feeling and to be comforted by the King of Kings. Those feelings need to come out so that they don’t become the buried roots of toxic thinking like I mentioned last week.
Life Coach Moment
- Take time this week to be alone with God. Tell Him what is bothering you and what you are feeling about this. Often we seek friends immediately for prayer when we are feeling anxious or need a listening ear. Seek Him first before someone else. He has the best council and He is the best listener.
- An example of telling God how you are feeling would be, “Father, I have this situation at work everyone is backbiting and it makes me so mad. I’m afraid of what they might be saying behind my back and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to be angry but feel like I can’t help it. Lead me to a Scripture that I can grab onto as a promise in this situation.”
- A Scripture for this is Isaiah 52:12b “The Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard.” Proclaim this in the situation, even in your thoughts. When you are at work feeling afraid say “I believe the Lord is going before me and guarding my back.” When you are driving down the road and stewing on it do the same. We must learn to take our thoughts captive and claim Scripture over them.
Renew Your Mind in Truth
If you have struggled to know from your heart that God is for you as your secure attachment teach cling to these verses- ask God to sink them deep into your heart.
- God is my refuge and strength a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
- The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous runs into it and is safe Proverbs 18:10
Abba Father, Thank you that you are my refuge and strength. Thank you that you are a strong tower and that I know I am safe with you. Train my mind in this truth by the power of your Spirit. Amen.
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Hi Naomi, nice to meet you. 🙂 — That Prov. 18 verse is one that is so meaningful to me. Just the Name. His Name. Such power that it’s a strong tower we run into for safety. How blessed are we?! Isn’t it a mysteriously beautiful thing how speaking scripture into our days provides peace and comfort. Praise God for the Holy Spirit. — So thankful you shared with #ChasingCommunity today, Naomi — Welcome! ((hug))
Brenda, Nice to meet you as well. Look forward to getting to know you! We are blessed to have the power of the Word and the Holy Spirit!
This is interesting about relationship patterns. I agree that our childhood relationships directly correlate with how we relate to God.
Thanks for sharing! I’m spending some time thinking through this!
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