I have been struggling with what I have been doing for God. The age old struggle of, “am I doing enough?” I find that it is easier for me to decipher what is right and wrong in serving God, but I can’t for the life of me figure out, what is enough for God. I was rifling through some old devotionals I wrote and wouldn’t you know, God was right there to point out which one I needed the most. Keep in mind I wrote the following devotional on 2/1/2015. I will make it very clear that during this time I had no job, no prospects of a job and had to move back in with my parents for a time.
In other words it was the perfect time to find freedom by pursuing God.
I read devotionals and start to question my pursuit of God. Yet, I can truly say for the first time in my life, I am pursuing Him above all else. I am not seeking God for what He can do for me. I am not seeking His blessings. I am seeking God and by seeking God, I learn His will for my life, I obtain His blessings.
It is no longer about what I can GET from God or what I CAN DO for God. It is ALL about GOD. Through constant pursuit of God, I receive good gifts instead of disobeying God and pursuing what I want. Instead of being a Martha and taking my focus off God, I follow His direction on what He wants me to achieve for Him.
Truly focusing on God and God alone makes our path clearer and more consistent because instead of searching for God’s blessings, will or way for us, we already know because we are focused on God and in constant communication with Him. If our focus remains on God, our pursuit of God is on track. I cannot question my pursuit if I know that God is the focus of that pursuit.
Isaiah 43:18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.
Back to the present, I was actually counting in my head how many people I may or may not have led to the Lord. I was beating myself to a pulp, when God graciously stepped in and reminded me of something I read a while back. God isn’t like our parents, yet we compare Him to our earthly dads because that is the best example we have. I was doing that today and the one thing I can tell you about my parents is nothing was ever good enough while I was growing up. I could clean the house from one end to the other and a dust bunny would be pointed out. I could bring home A’s and there would be nothing said at all.
I believe the enemy used that knowledge today during his attack on me. I was COUNTING!!!! Counting how many souls I’d won for the Lord. I was even considering asking fellow believers what their number is. WOW!! Praise God that He stopped me from this useless, prideful abuse of myself. The moment I knew how many souls someone else had led to the Lord, I’d be comparing. Once I started comparing numbers, I’d be comparing how much better I was than someone else. Interesting how one single thought can eventually lead to all of these following actions.
Isaiah 43:18 for me is a freedom verse. It reminds me, the past is the past. Whatever souls I’ve led to the Lord, that is in the past and it will not lead me forward to what God is doing NOW. In fact, all it does is distract me from GOD. My pursuit is not some astronomical number of souls that I led to the Lord, but the Lord himself. One more distraction, that the Holy Spirit helped me identify. I don’t want to pursue a number of souls, I want to pursue God because without Him, I can’t lead anybody anywhere. God leads you to the souls He has for you to bring to Him. You cannot increase or decrease that number. You can however, let it distract you like I did last night until this morning.
Let me make it clear, I am NOT pursuing what I can GET from God. I am not pursuing what I CAN DO for God. I am pursuing GOD. A brother in Christ once said, Bring a U-Haul with you to heaven. I pray God allows each one of us to do that, but in doing so I BEG, PLEAD and CRY before God that we NEVER stop pursuing Him to fill that U-Haul.